December 14, 1945

Maurice Baring (April 27, 1874 to December 14, 1945), adventurer and writer, famously a friend of Hilaire Belloc and G. K. Chesterton, has had his own writing forgotten. This unearned fate prompts today's selection from Baring's 1910 humorous book, Dead Letters. His introduction may or may not be exaggerated, but it begins the fun:

'DEDICATION
'To Lord Lucas, 
'My dear Bron, I WISH to begin this bundle of Dead Letters, collected from the Dead Letter Office of the World, with a living letter to you. These letters are in no wise meant to be either historical documents, or historical studies, or aids to the understanding of history or learning of any kind... They are the fruits of imagination rather than of research. The word research is not even remotely applicable here, for in my case it means the hazy memories of a distant education indolently received, a few hurried references to Smith's Classical Dictionary, a map of Rome which is in the London Library, and Bouillet's Biographie Universelle. So that if you tell me that my account of the Carthaginian fleet is full of inaccuracies...I shall be constrained to answer that I do not care. ... But I confess that I have so far suffered more from the credulity, than from the scepticism, of my readers, and I was tempted at one moment rather to insert the impossible, than to make the possible appear probable. For correspondents wrote to me asking me to give them from my secret store further details...with regard to Lady Macbeth's housekeeping [or] Lord Bacon's business affairs ... On the other hand a sceptic asked to be supplied with the historical evidence for Guinevere's extravagance in dress. I am conscious that in some of these letters I may have laid myself open to the charge of irreverence towards certain themes, which are hallowed by romance, and overshadowed by the wings of the great poets. I plead Not guilty. .... To end on a less pompous note let me add that, if you like this book, that is enough for me, and the blame of the rest of the world, although it will ultimately affect my purse, ... will disturb neither my peace of mind, nor my digestion, and will therefore not vex me. On the other hand, there is no amount of praise which a man and an author cannot endure with equanimity. Some authors can even stand flattery. I hope therefore to earn a certain measure both of your approval and others; while theirs will be the more profitable, yours will be the more prized....'

Our letter we choose to quote finds Guinevere updating her husband about an upcoming party at Camelot.

'Dearest Arthur, I am feeling a little better. Merlin, who came over the other day from Broceliande, advised me to drink a glass of tepid water before breakfast every day, and not to eat brown bread. This treatment has really done me good. I will see that everything is ready for the Jousts. ...I have asked Yniol to stay at the castle for the Jousts and the Lord of Astolat and one of his sons. (We can t be expected to ask the whole family). I thought it was no use asking poor little Elaine because she never goes anywhere now, and hates the Jousts. Do you think we must ask Merlin this year? We asked him last year and I don't see that we need ask him every year He has become so cross and crotchety, and Vivien complained that when he was here last year, he behaved disgracefully to her and was quite impossible Of course I will do exactly as you like. I have asked Sir Valence, Sir Sagramore, Sir Percevale, Sir Pelleas, and Sir Modred. I won't have Melissande, she is so peevish and complaining

'Then there is King Mark. Shall I ask him? Without Iseult of course. He can't expect us to ask her after all that has happened. I hear the King of Orkney asked them both, and that he now expects her to be asked, but nothing shall induce me to receive her. If you think it is impossible to ask him alone, we had better leave it and ask neither of them.

'Oh I quite forgot. There's Lancelot. Shall we ask him to stay? He s been so often so, if you would rather not have him, we can quite well leave him out this time. I don't want him to think he's indispensable to you.

'The weather has been fine and the hedges are a mass of primroses. Vivi the cat (I christened her after dear Vivien) caught a mouse yesterday Do come back quickly.

'Your loving,
Guinevere'

It may help to refresh your acquaintance with Tennyson's "Idylls of the King" to get all the references.